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SKIING INSTRUCTOR HUMOR--for adults only
Exit now if offended.
by Bill Jones, Ski Instructor
Certified Professional Ski Instructor (Registration #110478),
Adult ski humor (please note these are from other
sources; some are mean if taken that way, so please be light. I've left out some
even raunchier ones and will delete any still deemed in bad taste).
Two Skiers were on their way out to the slopes. One said, "Where
did you get your new skis?"
The second skier replied, "Well, I was skiing along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman came up on these skis. She
unclipped them from her bindings and threw them to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second skier nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."
Top 10 Reasons Skiing is Better
10. Choice of day or night
9. You pay once to go up and down all day
8. Skis are always hard
7. You have your choice of expert or beginner
6. You always get picked up when in line
5. Lubricant lasts for days
4. Vertical is better than horizontal
3. You can ride more than 2 skiers at a time
2. Lessons are available from anyone
1. Abundance of virgin territory
How many skiers
Q: How many skiers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Skiers don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.
Two guys are waiting at the top of a ski slope while several women
are clipping into their skis. The ladies are taking their time. Finally all are
ready to go and they take off.
One immediately falls. She sprawls around collecting goggles,
gloves and lipsticks which have spread themselves all over the hill and refits
her skis. Three yards later she again goes over, whiffing it completely. The
scenario is replayed and the 3rd time time she manages five yards before wiping
She looks back at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess
all those f*cking lessons I took last winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it, you
should have taken skiing lessons instead!"
Jokes not to share with snowboarders (or snowboarders, change the word
"snowboarders" to "skiers")
What does a snowboard instructor use for protection during sex?
A bus shelter!
How does a snowboard instructor turn on the light after sex?
Opens the car door!
What do snowboarders and a human sperm have in common?
They both have a one in million chance of becoming a human being.
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So
they loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few
hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who
answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house
all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the
neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if
the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and
the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They
enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an
attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally
determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he
had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that
good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up
North about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob "Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of
the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" "Well, um, yes," Bob
said, a little embarrassed about being found out.
"I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
The short version:
Charlie decided to go skiing with his buddy,
James. They loaded up Charlie's car and headed north. After driving for a few
hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm
house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.
"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the
neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Not to worry,"
Charlie said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."
Nine months later, Charlie got a letter from the widow's attorney.
He then went up to visit his friend James and said, "James, do you remember
that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?" "Yes, I do." "Did
you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex
with her?" "Yes, I have to admit that I did." "Did you happen
to use my name instead of telling her your name?" James' face turned red
and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."
"Well, thanks! She just died and left me
The Europeans can be raunchy, too (a post card):
Original sources for materials used above are being sought so that proper credit
can be given. Please help if you can by emailing. Thanks.
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Copyright © 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017. William R Jones.